we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
