Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize