i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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