yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize