I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We're too hungover to prance.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dick very happy bro
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
