my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize