I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
