I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
