a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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