how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
