I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
