This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize