At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
