wrigley field is MILF paradise
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
false alarm. still invincible.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
