this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
