You smell like a Billy Joel song
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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