So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
