I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
