At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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