It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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