My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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