I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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