There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
