if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
