I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
