Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Terrible idea I love it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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