ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
