so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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