Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
