Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
