Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dear god my vagina.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
