You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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