Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
