I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
