So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
