I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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