She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
