in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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