The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
These tits shall not be calmed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
