Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
false alarm. still invincible.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
