it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
