I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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