just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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