Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
