We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She bit a glass in half.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
