in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
