Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
