Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
