I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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