Umm I'm too high to move.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
