have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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