i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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