This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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