How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
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