So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
