I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
