One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
we're so committed to being not committed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
