in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
