If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
