My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize