Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
