Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
