Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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