And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
