Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
