Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
