i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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