you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
