She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
