you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
