so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
