I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
