i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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