Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
