Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize