Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
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I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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